Pondering....

I need to stop that....Pondering! Although, when I ponder I do blog, but I haven't decided if that's a good thing or a bad thing! I guess since Memphis completed Pre-K it's just something I can't help but to do. Sit around and ponder.

You date, fall in love, and get married. You then realize that you want something more. You begin to lone for that newborn to make your heart and life full. Sometimes people wait what seems like forever for those two pink lines, and other times it just happens as soon as you decide you want that newborn.

You bring this sweet little angel home, and you think of all these great things that you hope to happen to your newborn. And in the blind of an eye it's time to sign that baby up for school. Most people decide that sending their child to pre-k is the right thing to do. I, however, wasn't one of those people. I waited right up until that last minute to sign Memphis up. He was smart. He knew all the education things that you would learn in Pre-K. My biggest thing about sending him was to get that interaction with other children. You see, as a child I was painfully bashful. I didn't want him to be that way. Oftentimes, I find myself feeling that same bashful feeling. I hate it. I must say Pre-K helped Memphis with that. Now Pre-K is over, and I find myself thinking, "should I have sent him." That was the last year that I could have had with him. Those three little years went by so fast when I had him at home all to myself. Right in the middle of his summer break I'm going to rock his world by bringing a newborn. I feel like that in itself makes me a horrible mom. And Cruz, what does that do to him? He's been the baby for 4 years. He's had me all to himself.

I can't help but to cry when I'm by myself. Schools out, five weeks later we'll be adding a new addition to our family, and then in 6 weeks later school starts back. Not just for Memphis, but Cruz too. I'll have a Kindergartener and a Pre-Schooler! Where has time gone?!

I must say that truely feel like my pregnant days are over. I love being pregnant as horrible as I feel and as bad as I get sick. I never thought I'd have this feeling, but I feel totally content with three boys, and the third one hasn't even got here.

These next four and a half weeks I am going to embrace them. These are the last four and a half weeks that we will be a family of four, that I will be pregnant. I ponder will my boys be as close as they are now after Maverick comes?

I must learn to embrace these new challenges. Ready or not, it's summer break I have to embrace it and make the best of it. Ready or not, we're having another little boy. Ready or not, God has a plan for my little family and it will all work itself out in the end! We'll all be alright.